Life & Changes

The first 6 months of my marriage my husband gave me a ring which reads in Hebrew, "Whither thou goest, I will follow" from the scripture Ruth 1:16. I have never regretted following my husband into anything that he has wanted to do--our marriage has matured and grown as time has passed...however, just as I have faith in my Maker so do I have faith in my husband....I have followed him MANY places...we have walked some beaches of the world together, hiked up some real and 'metaphorical' mountains.... At the end of each day, I will follow him anywhere because I know he will lead me where I'm unafraid and if we fail, we will support each other and get right back up! Recently I've been reminded once again why the Lord gave me a husband that loves me, supports me, allows me to 'lead' but mostly leads me.... I'm too afraid to step out alone!

My family has had some "major" life changes in the last couple of weeks....each time I think we have settled into a new 'NORMAL' something happens to shake us up, turn us upside down, and this time totally bring me to my knees. I am reminded that really, I should never have been off my knee's in the first place and perhaps that was my problem in the first place..the 'SHAKING' might not have rattled my world so thoroughly had I been spending some quiet time and been experiencing some daily dose of faith 'dollops' along the way!

Without going into a lot of detail--for MANY reasons--here is the basic 'outline' of how my world turned upside down and I fell, once again, to my knees. The company that Chris had a partnership in was basically, removed from us. I feel, it has turned more into a stalemate of sorts--neither side seeing the side of the other. Although, in the larger scheme of things in life, we have been protected from some pretty awful stuff--hindsight has burned through my anger and grief of our 'Dream'...'Life'...and in the end, the mainstay of our income come to an end....we could be fighting a much bigger battle that we had no part in nor, were we (or are we) prepared to battle.

What that means to me in simple terms is this: I am left unemployed and unable to find/acquire a new job. Even if the job market weren't so competitive today....there aren't any positions open for those with uncontrolled seizures. Currently, I am blessed enough to pull a small amount each week for at least a few months--while I try to figure out if I want to jump through (what seems like) millions of hoops for "Disabled People".

Quite honestly, I hate thinking of myself that way! I'm not "Disabled"...I simply have bad days...that can turn into weeks. (All of which I don't have any memories of...so really, are they so bad ? :o)

After allowing the stress of "Life as Dara's World" fell into a huge heap at my feet I realized it had been a long time since I had reviewed what was IMPORTANT to me....what was important to me and my family....where my FAITH really is. What do I BELIEVE?

Quickly I realized that neither I nor my family have EVER gone without a nice home, clothing, food, or what was REALLY needed in our lives. So often I took these things for granted. I have been blessed for so long that I have forgotten that I had never dreamed I would live in the places I have lived in, that I have never had the family I dreamed I would have...and although many of these 'things' don't matter as much to me as they do to some members of my family :o) I still recognize how truly blessed I have been my entire marriage.

Things are unsure with our 'things' HOWEVER, Chris and I aren't unsure of where we are going, where we have been and where our faith and hard work has taken us in the past! We have never allowed "fear" to rule or lives or the "Impossible" to keep us from achieving those things others said were "Impossible" for us. I'm gearing up to get excited about this journey also.... Our road isn't flat or boring! It is full of twists, turns, and unexpected curves of wildflowers and snow-capped mountains if I will only look away from my fear to enjoy it!

High Heels

When you meet someone new there are basis we ask in order to “get to know” them. All of us have had the conversation, “Hello, my name is _____. I live in _____. I’m married and have __ great kids. Yes, I work at _____.”

I would say most people reading this know those basic ‘titles’ of mine. “Hello, my name is Dara. I live in Bixby, Oklahoma….I’m married and I have 3 great kids. Yes, I work at PathFinder Concepts”… a company owned by my husband. What most know (and some don’t) is that I have a chronic disorder, Epilepsy. According to the CDC: ... “Epilepsy is a chronic neurological condition characterized by recurrent seizures. A seizure happens when abnormal electrical activity in the brain causes an involuntary change in body movement or function, sensation, awareness, or behavior… “. www.cdc.gov/chronicdisease/resources/.../AAG/epilepsy.htm (Jan 29, 2010).

Basically what this means is there’s a lot I can’t do anymore. Drive. Walk alone. Zumba (I can, just no one will ‘attend’ me). Shower. Basically be alone (as of yet my seizures are uncontrolled). Yes, my life is about my medication schedule and good days vs. bad days.

I have begun to count my “non-seizure days” in weeks instead of days (record at this point is 19 consecutive days. YAY!!!!). I’m hopeful that I will begin counting in months and years soon.

Yes, since I’ve only been having seizures for the last 3 years to say it has changed the fabric and pattern of my life is an understatement. I hit my family like a tornado can our great state of Oklahoma…suddenly, out of the sky and for a little while at least, tore us apart while we learned to deal with it. My family has risen above and beyond anything I can ever describe….I’m going to detail just how amazing they are in a later Blog…

Some look at us and think we ‘take it too lightly’. That isn’t the truth—we simply refuse to allow it totally rob our life of joy so, we laugh and joke about it. We know the odds and dangers (87% of epileptic’s die of head injuries). HOWEVER, we refuse to allow that to keep us from living.

There are a few things I really miss tho…. And that is what this blog is about today.

I miss HIGH HEELS!!! No. I don’t have a place to wear them (I am only able to work because my husband owns the company and allows me to have seizures at work, watches me on my bad days, and gives me the chance to make-up hours as needed on my good days). That doesn’t matter! I just miss wearing heels. I see the new “Hooker Shoes” in the stores now and I want them—but why bother when I can barely walk at times and NO ONE in my family wants to try to catch me with 5 inch spikes. (As my wonderful oldest child pointed out one day when we were in a shoe store and I bee lined to the heels….).

I’ve considered buying them just to have them—so I can say I’ve got them—I can even get them out and just gaze at them in wonder. …. Aaahhh well…maybe someday again!

So ladies, wear those heels and think of me!

Thankful to have someone to LOVE!

Valentines Day is a lot of ..... commercial HYPE! My oldest told me of a FaceBook post going around about girls posting something like, "Valentines Day is like a Single Awareness Day" (its from the movie Billy Madison).....part of me finds this very sad that teenage girls are 'depressed' that they aren't getting candy, cookies, and balloons. However, it also made me realize how thankful I am to have someone to LOVE!

I have my wonderful amazing husband...he's not "Just Right" for anyone in this world but ME!

I have my fun kids (Kaiden, Kennedy & Easton).

I have lots and lots of friends (that I'd go broke if I bought them all a V Day gift!)....

Really, I hope that the lonely teenage girls (and boys) get something for Valentines Day...even if its the realization that they ARE SPECIAL NO MATTER WHO GIVES THEM A PRESENT!

WOW! Harder ...good thing Jodi is here!

Good thing my OLD friend is here to help me do this...it was a whole lot harder then I thought it would be...I woulda given up if she wasn't here!

Thanks Jodi!