The first 6 months of my marriage my husband gave me a ring which reads in Hebrew, "Whither thou goest, I will follow" from the scripture Ruth 1:16. I have never regretted following my husband into anything that he has wanted to do--our marriage has matured and grown as time has passed...however, just as I have faith in my Maker so do I have faith in my husband....I have followed him MANY places...we have walked some beaches of the world together, hiked up some real and 'metaphorical' mountains.... At the end of each day, I will follow him anywhere because I know he will lead me where I'm unafraid and if we fail, we will support each other and get right back up! Recently I've been reminded once again why the Lord gave me a husband that loves me, supports me, allows me to 'lead' but mostly leads me.... I'm too afraid to step out alone!
Without going into a lot of detail--for MANY reasons--here is the basic 'outline' of how my world turned upside down and I fell, once again, to my knees. The company that Chris had a partnership in was basically, removed from us. I feel, it has turned more into a stalemate of sorts--neither side seeing the side of the other. Although, in the larger scheme of things in life, we have been protected from some pretty awful stuff--hindsight has burned through my anger and grief of our 'Dream'...'Life'...and in the end, the mainstay of our income come to an end....we could be fighting a much bigger battle that we had no part in nor, were we (or are we) prepared to battle.
What that means to me in simple terms is this: I am left unemployed and unable to find/acquire a new job. Even if the job market weren't so competitive today....there aren't any positions open for those with uncontrolled seizures. Currently, I am blessed enough to pull a small amount each week for at least a few months--while I try to figure out if I want to jump through (what seems like) millions of hoops for "Disabled People".
Quite honestly, I hate thinking of myself that way! I'm not "Disabled"...I simply have bad days...that can turn into weeks. (All of which I don't have any memories of...so really, are they so bad ? :o)
After allowing the stress of "Life as Dara's World" fell into a huge heap at my feet I realized it had been a long time since I had reviewed what was IMPORTANT to me....what was important to me and my family....where my FAITH really is. What do I BELIEVE?
Quickly I realized that neither I nor my family have EVER gone without a nice home, clothing, food, or what was REALLY needed in our lives. So often I took these things for granted. I have been blessed for so long that I have forgotten that I had never dreamed I would live in the places I have lived in, that I have never had the family I dreamed I would have...and although many of these 'things' don't matter as much to me as they do to some members of my family :o) I still recognize how truly blessed I have been my entire marriage.
Things are unsure with our 'things' HOWEVER, Chris and I aren't unsure of where we are going, where we have been and where our faith and hard work has taken us in the past! We have never allowed "fear" to rule or lives or the "Impossible" to keep us from achieving those things others said were "Impossible" for us. I'm gearing up to get excited about this journey also.... Our road isn't flat or boring! It is full of twists, turns, and unexpected curves of wildflowers and snow-capped mountains if I will only look away from my fear to enjoy it!
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