The reasons...OK, OK, OK! Excuses really, are numerous with some 'real' and others, not so much. All of them boiling down to one, avoiding my own reflection.
Justifications of, "I'm so busy" and "Exhausted doesn't begin to describe how I feel" worked to appease my Inner Voice while keeping my Authentic Inner Self shut down and non-nagging. In the end 'tho, I cheated them both. (Along with those around me that had to deal with a less pleasant and fun Dara, I believe).
Writing for no other reason then to allow my mind to air out while my Inner Voice and Authentic Inner Self to speak to "ME". The act of blessing me with a safe venue to pour out my anger, bitterness, jealousy, fear, and resentment and acknowledging them without the "Negatives" a place to roost on my "Inners" thereby strangling all the beauty they focus on to be ME. Happy Me. Peaceful ME. Appreciative ME. Yes, I did the whole "plaster a smile and fake it" but, it has
When I take a few minutes out of my day to simply, "BE" with a pen and paper my day is simply better (YES! I'm old fashioned and "behind the times," as my kids remind me often, it has to be pen and paper...sometimes I really walk the line and use a pencil...lead just doesn't seem to last). The "Negatives" don't rule me quite as much and I can roll the with dips because I started out on my mental mountain instead of the darkest of my secret valleys.
Also, I have no real record of how I felt and changes/challenges we walked, stumbled and crawled through (they were many I can say that! )...I can recall with a fuzzy-year long removed memory of what it was like but, it simply isn't as clear as years past when I have written them down--opening a 'book' and reading my words. The realization hit me when I was doing receipts for taxes (a very good thing has come from the tedious, icky job) and I realized that a year ago today we arrived in Las Vegas with the fruit of our labors, faith and all our money...and that I had no emotional record of the experience.
Now, a year later, we are no longer doing that business (....with NO regrets). The lesson's we learned in the process....well, I wish I would have recorded them so I would know all of them instead of the few I can name (in another Blogg perhaps).
